An early Mother's Day dinner was the perfect excuse to check out the latest Chinese inspired menu at Amber. Not that we need an excuse to eat out, but I suppose it soothes the over-indulgence-conscious part of the conscience. Amber's one of the rare places that my family visits pretty regularly, partly due to their menu that changes every few months and the very reasonable prices.

Amber saw a full house for dinner that day and we were, to our pleasant surprise, ushered to a private room away from the hustle and chatter. The waiter started us off with a complimentary passionfruit and pineapple mocktail that was refreshingly sour. I liked it but  my parents found it average. For starters, we had a prawn tikka salad tossed with Japanese cucumber, tomatoes, and achar. There was a touch of yoghurt in the dish as well that complemented the sourish taste of the achar rather well. Opted for the sea bass and scallop for the main course and the fish was great, as usual, although I thought the accompaniment of the yam fritter was a bit odd. Dessert was a chilled snow pear & white fungus served with red date jelly, which I found a little too sweet and but pleasant overall.

Always inspired to cook after I return from such dinners. Dinner conversations would normally involve critiquing the dish and figuring out what's the best way to recreate the dish at home...not that I've gotten around to it. Yet. Gonna break in the muffin maker first.

What I Remember You By

I remember you by your wristbands from Thailand. A couple of years old and all that was left from your once extensive collection that spanned your forearm. A crisscrossed mixture of blue, orange and possibly green. All these I know because you asked about mine - green hearts on blue that encircled my wrist; a nine year old friendship going on to forever. At that point I wished I had an extra one for you as a souvenir; it felt like an apt thing to do.

I remember you by your gorgeous slightly sad, sometimes uncertain smile, almost like you couldn't decide if you should savour the present or sigh at the inevitable parting of ways. This is great, is gonna end way too soon, don't wanna mess up the remaining time. It might have been a projection of mine but I find that hard to believe when it was written all over you, from the light in your eyes to the complementary magnetism to the inconvenience we worked around.

I remember you by the outstretched palm you offered me on that boozy lazy afternoon. Open, unassuming, hopeful, demanding. Beer in your other hand, on the floor, on the table, in my hand. How your fingers were longer than mine by an entire section and your palm still visible after mine covered yours.

I remember you by the tremulous voice cracked with slight disbelief and realization when you said, word for word, the exact sentence I was thinking at that moment. Then it was my turn to be in complete disbelief at that freaky telepathy.

But most of all I remember you by the collective memory of the little things that enhanced the idea of you, not you. Crinkled eye corners, giggly laughs, nerdy preferences, laugh lines, chivalry, incredible perceptiveness, and passion so deep it left a crater-sized impression.

Laughter

If there's one thing I could bottle up, it'd be laughter. Pure, unsaturated laughter that bubbles from from the depths of Some Place Delightful. Yesterday, I made a new friend who laughs with such unrestrained mirth that I spent a good portion of suppertime just watching him laugh. I can't remember the last time I've heard anyone above the age of five laugh so! freely! Each bout of laughter's almost like a confetti sprinkle of happiness - so lighthearted, so consuming and so amazing.

For the love of food

Cooking is beginning to look like a more regular affair. Most of the adrenaline lies in the delivery however, not so much the cooking itself. Plating, presentation and timing.

Dinner was an eggplant mushroom quinoa risotto with white wine reduction and ramekin portions of a cauliflower gratin. The family gave a unanimous thumbs up, which is about the best feedback to receive. The cauliflower gratin can be improved. I should try to follow recipes a little closer and not wing it half the time - the exception being how much wine to add in a dish (hahaha). I loved that the risotto had the delicate aroma and sweetness of the wine. Should have added some saffron like I did the previous time - the fragrance and colour a few strands of the spice lends to the dish is really quite extraordinary. 

In older news, the molten lava cake was 80% successful. It left the oven a couple of minutes early. Two more minutes would have made all the difference. So a bite-sized bit of the chocolate-y goodness had a too-fragile shell. And I forgot to add coffee liqueur to the mix. No wonder it felt like there was something missing. Well, more to drink then.

Three Ticks & A Cross

After almost a month since arriving in the City of Lights, I  found myself some me-time to set some goals for SEP. They were simple.

"To Live. To try new experiences, step out of my comfort zone, dare to be an individual, be brave enough to be spontaneous.

To Speak French.

To Make Good Friends. The world's so big. And coming here, I realise the vastness that is everything outside Singapore and how Singapore has boxed us in.

To Travel. Wanderlust. Who doesn't want to see the world? I want to discover new places and make memories that matter with people that matter."

That was exactly 160 days ago. Fast-forward to now, have I actually achieved what I want out of this exchange?  Yea. I say this not with the fierce conviction of an activist for his cause, but with a wistful smile and my mind's eye running through all the moments I can gather off the top of my head like cinematic film flashback. Everything that ultimately mattered at the end of the ride, I addressed. Speaking French was a real priority initially until the task of studying French while travelling (that often) became a real challenge. So something had to go and it wasn't too hard to make a decision.

To Live. And indeed I have, at least a heck lot more than I did while getting too comfortable in Singapore. I had moments so perfect they could've been dreams, found myself in strange situations, stepped into the shoes of people and lived their lives and consciously let go of doubts that held me back. There was also a silver of reckless thrill that I pursued, subconsciously, on hindsight.

To Make Good Friends. One point on my bucket list was to make a friend in every city I went to. It didn't happen, but in the places I made friends, I made friends I'll dream of bumping into somewhere in the world. Some were Five Minute Friends whose transience made the company all the more intense; no knowledge of the other but we're just pushing buttons and being pals. Others were there for a while longer and that extra time meant exploring differences and heart-to-hearts. And some were there from day one and their presence was like hot chocolate on a wintry day. To have people think of you, throw chocolate at you on a bad day and insist on your presence at events cos they know you'll enjoy is something I have grown to appreciate so much (usually, my tendency is to be a hermit).

To Travel. Enough, as the Mothership puts it although I suspect she is nowhere as convinced as she sounds. Enough for now. For. Now. Wanderlust isn't water that can be cut off at a turn of the tap. It's a tension that builds up and will eventually need to be released. I would love to travel with my mom and have her see the sights in person because I know she'll enjoy it so much more than me.

So three ticks & a cross. May the next time be three double ticks.

The Thing About This Summer

The thing about summer romance is that when the weather is warm, you feel different; you are different. You feel more free, more beautiful, more of who you want to be; more of everything good.

The thing about summer romance is that you never quite see it coming. It just sort of happens, serendipitously, unexpectedly, unassumingly.

The thing about summer romance is that even if you didn’t plan for it, it can be exactly what you needed, and you didn’t even know it.

The thing about summer romance is that the kisses are always better. The taste of somebody’s lips in the hot summer air stings your mouth in a way that makes you feel refreshed yet aflame.

The thing about summer romance is that it can change from subtle to intense in the blink of an eye. Your usual careful nature is transformed to a carefree person who only wants to exist in the present.

The thing about summer romance is that you learn that affection doesn’t need to have the promise of forever for it to be real and true and timeless.

The thing about summer romance is that it can be your wake up call. It can be the reminder that you are worthy and deserving and wanted.

The thing about summer romance is that it makes you feel alive. It makes you feel like you’re not just passing through the motions. You’re enjoying every breath in every moment.

The thing about summer romance is that it gives you the heat of summer sunshine, and you bask in the ecstasy of that heat.

The thing about summer romance is that it leaves you wanting more from life, knowing that the coolness of fall and the harshness of winter don’t need to consume who you are.

The thing about summer romance is that it lets you know that life doesn’t always have to be a beautiful struggle; life can just be beautiful.

The thing about summer romance is that it feels like a wonderful secret that you want to tell the whole world. But at the same time, it feels like no one needs to know.

The thing about summer romance is that it’s a fallen piece of paradise that you stumbled on and you always want to keep it with you.

The thing about summer romance is that it’ll teach you about yourself. Who you become when you have no worries, when the earth feels a little bit lighter; and you’ll always want to be this person.

The thing about summer romance is that more often than not, it is finite. And before you start dreaming dreams or making plans or breaking hearts, you accept that it likely has a definite ending even if you’ll always hope for more.

The thing about summer romance is that even though it likely ends, and you might not have endured a great love, and it might not be there to keep you warm in the fall; you know that that is not its purpose.

The thing about summer romance is that it always has sweet beginnings and mostly bitter-sweet endings. But you cherish it; you’ll cherish it all the same. 

(Thought Catalog )

And the thing about this summer is that it leaves photographic impressions upon your heart and smiles upon your face at the most random times. With or without the romance.

Faith

The goodness of people surprises me all the time. Not because I don't believe that there aren't wonderful souls out there, but because they are much nearer than I imagined them to be. And it fills my heart with gratitude. I've never appreciated a community so much before. Now there's a stupid happy  grin on my face at 12 in the morning (x

London Calling

I asked myself, several years ago, if we were friends by virtue of the fact that we've known each other for so long and I got my answer this weekend. No; it's a resounding no. And I was plenty naive to have thought so. We're friends because we've grown up together, seen each other at our worsts, most unglamourous moments and talked about things we'd never talk about with any other soul. Four years of no contact didn't change a thing but I didn't think I'd enjoy the company so much. When I said I missed you and will miss you, I meant it. I miss you already. And with the exception of my mom, you still give the best hugs.

The weekend in London was an absolute dream but like most dreams, they are over too quickly. Nevertheless, it didn't diminish the immense sense of peace and fulfillment this weekend getaway brought to my soul. Thank you God.

Bummed But.

Looks like the freshly brewed vanilla coffee from the IBM igloo did a fantastic job. 5-frickin'-am and I remain awake. For once, it's actually a positive side effect. Did some flashtrip-planning after our semi-reckless plan to Munich fell through. Probably a good thing else we'd be wandering through the absymally cold city in search of a place to stay. That said, I am quite bummed about the failed plan; was very much looking forward to meet up with a friend and getting out of ECP.

The day was an overall great one though and I've plenty to be thankful for. Made pizzas for dinner, satisfied my pizza craving and met lovely new people ("He sings in the shower!! I can hear him all the time! Never stops talking!"), received welcomed chocolate relief in mid-afternoon, got the photos I printed, came up with Plan B for Easter Weekend Blitz-Trip aaaand kind of understood what went on in class despite all the confusion.

Also, managed to lock myself out of my room today most stupidly. The lady at the reception merely grinned, daintily half-nodded, waved a hand and produced a form for me to fill before handing me another set of keys.

In other news:

"Hello! Do you have any more of those pretty bags? I'd like one! (:"

"Well, for a pretty girl, I'm sure we do!" -proceeds to hand me two-

So glib.

As we wandered

We wandered along a long stretch of street today, my new friend & I. Hands in our pockets, necks swaddled in scarves, strolling aimlessly, walking into places on a whim, dropping by cafes for hot chocolate, standing next to heaters and just chatting about anything, everything. T'was a timely break with great company and a calming, intriguing presence. And I can also now check chilling at a Parisian cafe off my List of Parisian Things To Do.

"And I will pay for your drink as well."

Today was also possibly the first time I graciously accepted an offer to pay for a drink on my behalf. It was more of a statement and less of an offer, really, but it contrasted greatly with the others I had previously encountered.

Frankfurt's now on the growing list of places to visit.

Social Cycles

Life here occurs in a cyclical manner. Either I have plenty of things to do or I need to find things to do. Just over the weekend, I've been to Paris thrice and arrived back in the wee hours of next morning, attended a typical French dorm party, had two home-made crepe mega-meals (which were utterly lovely), covered more touristy attractions than I would have if left to my own devices and wandered around for two afternoons. The new faces are welcoming ones who (try to) speak English upon realising my sorry lack of French linguistic knowledge and it's something I truly appreciate.

I'm recognising alot more faces these days although attaching a name to the face is another issue. Most times I'd give a smile with a faint salut since I am unsure of where I met them, although there are some who produce such enthusiastic greetings that I am compelled to reciprocate. 

There is so much going on and so many things I want to make happen that I feel I need to take a step back to breathe and decide, like the engineer I a supposed to be, how to make it all work out.

JTLYK#26

As departure day draws nearer, I find myself introspecting a lot more. My motivations, career aspirations,  the to-be concluded internship, people around me, interpersonal dynamics, goals for the upcoming exchange, my spiritual life, the homosexuality repeal and all that. And I am, in equal parts, awed and overwhelmed at the stunning array of possibilities, choices and considerations.

On my internship (since it's the most recent thing):
Biggest gripe - Over too fast. I was enjoying myself a great deal for a variety of reasons (food, people, spaces - I had a cosy spot to work)
Biggest realization - Despite what I say about introversion and how socialising (term used loosely here) tires me (still true), I still enjoy meeting new people. Such fascinating creatures, haha. Everyone, from my fellow interns to the partners to the cleaning aunties and security guards, has been nothing but marvelously friendly and helpful. Is this what they call company culture? We need this to spread to the rest of the country. Pronto. Come now, where can we purchase some of that rainbow powder.

On teaching:
If I run out of career options, I'd go into teaching. It's almost like escapism - you go into this academic sphere where you attempt to equip your students with sufficient knowledge so that they'll stride out into the 'real world' and get confused by the Vastness of Everything before realising that everyone else is just as confused. I enjoy that. Teaching, I mean. Not confusing souls.

On time:
The prospect of being away for the next 5 months in 2 days' time suddenly makes priorities clearer and people dearer. It doesn't make the luggage any easier to pack, however.

2013

Hello beautiful new year.

The horizon has been looking absolutely lovely. I'm enjoying and appreciating every bit of it as I re-orientate myself to the idea of A Whole New Year. 2013 Resolutions will be done by the end of the week! Things look like they may be more than I'd hope for (in a grand way) although I must remember to watch where I'm treading once in a while. Y'know, curb my tendency to get disproportionately happy too soon. (I can't help it. I pat myself on the back whenever I achieve something I secretly don't expect to.)

I'm thankful for friends, for experiences (good, bad and strange), especially for hard-hitting realisations (some of which still leave me breathless), and most importantly for family the past year. 2012 was a late blooming [read: tough] year. A continuous plot of my emotional state would reveal it being generally below neutral (zero point) and only increasing significantly towards the end of the year. 2013's gonna see many changes and even more opportunities and I will have to seriously start thinking of The Future in More Concrete Terms. Meeting interesting people for my own entertainment cannot be a full-time job. This year, I shall take on Growing Up as responsibly as I can.

Remember when I mentioned that the canvas felt strangely clear last semester? It did fill up. With a delightful potpourri of personalities and smiles that hold promises of future meetups and fond memories.

On a side note, I'm absolutely chuffed to see a hookup I predicted happen. Like finally. (Sooo. Damn. Adorable. Makes me want to squeal.) Along with it also came a feeling I couldn't quite identify. The closest I've arrived at is being intrigued with the idea of intrigue. See, after realising that some people intrigue me, I began to wonder why I am even intrigued. Is it because of the person? Or is it me? Or is it one of those endless continuums where the grey areas come in ten thousand different shades?

Tell me if you've reached the end of one of these convoluted mental labyrinths?

The Perfect Lunch

Since I had lunchtime all to myself today, I decided to engage in a little wandering around the Areas Yet To Be Explored. And some things just call out to you, don't they? From across a busy road, that's exactly what The Sandwich Shop did. But it wasn't the only shop that did.

After resisting the urge to enter and resisting the urge to backtrack to enter mph, the bookstore which was en route to the lunchtime haven, I made it without further setbacks. And hellooo! sand! wiches! As I waited for the toasted goodness to be prepared, I busied myself with locating a spot where I could eat and read with maximum comfort (i.e. quiet corners or seats against the wall, optimal coolness, space for the sandwiches, serviettes within easy reach, phone on silent, book comfortably propped at an angle and doesn't slide, reasonable amount of extra space).

Then it was goodbye world, hello me-time. When I looked up, the sky was pelting large, heavy droplets at everything and anything. Oh well, looks like I've to wait a while. Not that anyone's complaining, really. Not at all. 

The next time I looked up, I noticed people glancing at me half-amusedly as they walked past. Then I noticed the person beside me and felt like I just met a kindred spirit. Hel-lo twin! There he was at a spot right next to mine, sandwich in one hand, book in the other (propped up),  phone on silent (it vibrated and was subsequently ignored) and blissfully oblivious to his surroundings. When did he even arrive?? Wanted to hi-five him at that moment but it would've been most impertinent to burst that obvious me-time bubble.

Even his table setup was similar to mine.

Best. Lunch. Ever. I've never been more amused.

Absolute

This week brought with it quantum fuzziness (not the duckling), increased entropy and ironically, a kind of certainty that originates from some place divine. History repeats itself, I know that, but I didn't expect it to be this soon. I'll handle it better this time, or at least try my best to.

Dilemming: Person in a dilemma. Hehe.

Time passes quickly today when you're absorbed in your work. This afternoon's two-hour parachute making project overshot by two hours. Imagine rummaging through drawers, emptying containers, making the floor your workspace and creating from scratch. Oh, it's been absolute ages since I did craft work like that. Made a right mess - sticky tape, thread, bits of plastic everywhere and a box of staples that exploded like fireworks - but it's so lovely to revisit that childhood (:

Of Metaphors & Markov Chain

P{X(t+s) = j | X(s) = i, X(u) = x(u), for 0 <= u < s} = P{X(t+s) = j | X(s) = i}

The conditional distribution of the future X(t+s) given the present and the past X(u), 0 <= u < s, depends only on the present and is independent of the past.

Drew an unexpected life lesson during a statistics lecture on Continuous Time Markov Chain... and immediately wondered if I had been getting sufficient rest. In other news, spoke with an amazing friend about how the past two weeks have been and it's a great burden off my heart (: Praise God!

A large portion of today's linguistics tutorial comprised an in-depth discussion about the presuppositions surrounding "Where did you put the cheese?" Apart from being highly amused at the absurdity of it all, it also made me think of cheese on toast and grilled brie <3 right before lunch. (& ya'll know my take on school food...)

Reconnecting

Sometimes you don't realise how much you miss a person [read: omg, so! damn.! much.!] until you start talking to them after absolute light-years and remembering the utterly absurd conversations that got you through sporadic bouts of dramatic teenage angst. How could we have not stayed in touch?!?!

So dear K, I thank God for the mistaken text that started this unlikely friendship. Thank youuu for being that awesomely quirky friend whom I'd send random email rants (and maybe cookies) to 10 years down the road (:

Made of Awsm

Some people just seem to be made of awesomeness. It's unbelievable how they can surprise you each time with well-timed little gestures that make a world of difference (: Guess they might just be the angels in our lives.

& right now I am so very grateful to one such person who just introduced me to a vastly amusing singer, Max Raabe. Thank you for cracking that stress shell that's been subtly building up like an oyster's pearl. I swear, you're a God-send.

To Ten & More

There's something pretty dang awesome about meeting a friend after a decade. Whether it's the decade worth of catch up to do or the easy reminiscence of back then or just marvelling at how we've changed (or remained the same), the contentment is always there I kid you not. Here, I'm referring to all those lovely meet ups with old friends who've been around since primary school days and those whom I've recently met yet are already so comfortably familiar ♥

Go East, young lady

Post-exams has been a whirlwind of activity - family outings, night cycling trips, meetings, barbecues, retreats and so on (: Just 24 hours ago and with an hour odd of sleep, I was standing on the outside looking groggily into my world. Haven't felt this tired since Orientation Week haha but oh, just as well I'm running on adrenaline and snatches of shut-eye in between places.  Sleep debt's still rollin' and with luck, I can start claiming some proper shut-eye from Wednesday onwards.

Tomorrow will see me making my way to the other end of Singapore for the third time in less than a week. Absolutely record breaking. At least I'm smarter now; it won't take me 2.5 hours to reach the Unknown East like the first time.

Looks like my many holiday plans/expectations will have to be re-looked/re-calibrated.