Last night,  I went to bed with every intention of waking up bright and early the next day to exercise. This morning, I did wake up bright and early only to hit the pillow once more after snoozing. When I eventually woke up at nine, I figured I should go ahead anyway and donned my socks, tied up my hair, took out the ankle weights and all that. I was feeling pretty good about how the day was starting until I opened the front door and was greeted with a flood of blinding sunlight and an oppressive humidity that permeated the air. Stood there, blinked. Blinked several more times. Aaaaand nope. Headed back to the coolness of the house and had breakfast instead.

Of Neighbours and Wine

My friendly neighbour dropped by yesterday. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a wide smile and a bottle of wine. So my partially-solid resolution not to start imbibing so soon into exchange went to pieces. Oh well.

JTLYK #25

This phase of mediocrity has got to end. I am in disbelief and tak boleh tahan  already.

Dad returned from his three week Europe trip today and when he opened his suitcase, out waltzed chocolates, chocolates, more chocolates and cheese. The house has enough chocolate to last us at least half a year. It's rather a scary when I think about it. At least there's cheese to balance it out. Lovely, lovely cheeses. Hello lazy afternoons with wine, cheese & crackers ♥ I hope I don't get sick of chocolate; that would be an absolute tragedy. In other news, it's good to have him back.

1am

It's the new benchmark that marks the unexpectedly late (early?) start of my junior year, the post-witching hour that flashes in my minds eye before I sleep. Each time I actually manage to dive under the covers before 1am (which hasn't occurred too often in the past few weeks), I mentally pat myself on the back and thank God that I've a couple more hours to rest. All the unexpected 1am-ness is morphing into a horrid habit. Strangely enough, I'm not feeling too much fatigue but this could very well just be the calm before the storm. In which case, I can expect to feel like an absolute mess in about two or so weeks time. At least it's predictable, right?

Mid-step

It's when the heart and mind gets forcibly unravelled and you're thrown into an existential limbo with one foot frozen in mid-air. It's the disconcerting loss of self, of thought, of breath for that half-conscious moment. It's the incomplete dominance effect of realizing a minor loss and experiencing a silver of joy; the sudden catch of breath in your throat because the ambivalence becomes so tangible. It's sensation tracing a careless finger across your jaw, past your shoulder, down your arm and taking flight from the tip of your little finger leaving you with all but a sigh.

That's how it feels to lose a little faith and grow in faith at the same time.

"a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak"

I was initially going to post a little on silence, but the whole verse began making sense upon further contemplation. A cumulation of recent events have led me to realise that I quite enjoy fighting my own battles, big or small, because it forces me to take responsibility for my actions. The thought process is similar to playing chess - the possible moves, the best replies by the opponent, the counterattack etc - and I do not deny that I'm enjoying this familiarity. Fighting with weapons that mend or strengthen a bridge is something I should get accustomed to. Make it a habit.

On a related note, careless words are a dime a dozen and I consciously try not to partake in such frivolity. Matthew 12:36-37 comes to mind although a verse I particularly like as a reminder is Proverbs 16:24. While I like to think that I'm living my life as Christian-like as I can (with occasional lapses), my night-time ceiling-staring-thought-bouncing has led to a different conclusion. Most times, when circumstances provoke a response, my silence is not me practicing self-control. It's me deciding that the action, whatever it may be, is not worth warranting a reaction because I simply cannot be bothered. So I walk away. It might've reached a point where actual, non-silent, actionable responses are, y'know, socially required from me (can't confirm the certainty of the statement; further observations may yield a more conclusive answer) yet I still brush those concerns off with a mental shrug.

Can't decide which is more troubling - my delusions as a Christian or the fact that I've reached the Nirvana of Care-lessness.

Alien Observations

Being in a foreign place, I've learnt plenty about myself through interactions with people who are so like me yet couldn't be more different. For all my people-curiosity, I've been side-stepping head-on interactions, preferring to just observe and ponder over they're actions.

Yesterday, I made a friend whose name I cannot pronounce. And should I bump into him on the way to class, I probably wouldn't be able to recognise him. Come Thursday, if I'm feeling up to it, I may join this new friend for a Christian youth gathering. At the back of my mind, I sometimes feel I trust strangers too easily. (A sudden bout of runny-nose has hit and the beginnings of a backdrip can already be felt. It all started with a sneeze. Heavens, it would be absolutely terrible to fall sick now. NOW, of all times. There are many plans to be carried out and missions to be fulfilled!) 

People here generally look stern and the atmosphere has a hardened side to it. Weather, perhaps? I'd start looking like that if I had to battle the heat all day and the beyond-knee-high floods every other day. I'm tanner now and when I critically stare at my reflection (which happens about once a week while brushing my teeth), reality doesn't quite sync with the mental model.  My feet are the tannest, what with the constant flip-flop wearing. I try not to stare too hard at them else I start imagining tan lines from socks, pumps and all that. 

Dial Tones

I guess the phone numbers I remember - not memorise, mind you - speak volumes about how important the person at the other end of the line is in my life, regardless of their actual presence in recent times. & you can't forget them digits when you try because your brain pulls a "Don't think of a purple elephant" stunt on you.

ANGST.

& I can't figure out why.

JDI

Once in a while, doubts overwhelm and questions plague the mind. It's not terribly disconcerting since it tells me that I still have a lot to work on in my life, but the knowledge that you're not good enough sometimes makes wanting to be a better person a tiring task. I'm in a faulty loop where the conditions are our ever-changing expectations of self. & my headache (from all the practice papers today) really isn't making anything better. The finals are next week and my motivation to study is inversely proportional to the number of days left before exams begin. Yeaaa Christine, snap out of it.

I would like to run off for a day, roam the streets doing silly things with a five-minute friend whom I'll never meet again after that. & if by chance we meet again, we'll just smile and pretend we've never met.

Sometimes I find it hard to breathe. I don't mean it in the dramatic oh life, you oppressive thing way; I mean it literally. After a while, it gets rather irritating having to inhale super-deeply continuously.

Smooth Operator

Smooth operators in school, especially in my faculty, are rare. But damn, they're good.

It's a long day tomorrow. & I didn't get any work done today.
OHNOES. Hello discipline, where art thou? :(

In other news, Nina Simone ftw!

Latest Earworm

THIS BOY has an unbelievable voice. Am awed. He beats Bieber-boy by so much.

& THIS BOY is just too damn cute.

AM GOING TO SLEEP EARLIER

because late-night reading isn't worth the eyebags, loss of half a day, general grumpiness & intolerance of the already intolerable weather.

In other news, this week has sprinted by all too quickly. Some books have yet to be read and I've more on the waiting list! Can't help it, really. The thought of having books to read make me grin like an idiot. Also, it's time to start thinking about the upcoming semester; my coursemates are scaring me. Bought three lovely tops today, two of which are striped. For once, my mom didn't roll her eyes at my obsession with striped clothing. (That was how lovely they were.) Camp next week! (:

Four on Six - Wes Montgomery

Nothing beats the feel of a lovely book in your hands - that paper weight you carry everywhere with you because it draws you out of reality and captures you attention page after page. A trip to the library is overdue. Monday it is.

Joy is discovering how ginormous the world of jazz is(:

In other news, I found the quote "veni, vidi, bitchy" very, very amusing yesterday. Awesome conversations with an awesome friend (:

Curiouser & Curiouser

So the worst is over yet I'm not feeling as ecstatic as I expected.
The house is mine for all of three hours tomorrow. Let's hope the time will be well-spent.
Acting up. Acting out. Perhaps, a lack of sleep.

Don't Worry Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin

Question & Answer session with the PM tonight was unexpectedly entertaining.

Meeting people I haven't seen in a while (:

Bus rides & awsm conversations.

Hello you, I like how there's always plenty to talk about (:

Random note: I shall consciously cut down my use of abbreviations, unless I wish to intentionally annoy & perplex others ;)

Early day at school tomorrow, but I've got a good feeling about it! (:

"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly. -Dalai Lama"

Stumbleupon is an unexpected source of wisdom x)

Mmm watcha say

When expectations are not met, who's to blame?

Sometimes life brings moment so tranquil and beautiful that capturing it with a camera breaks the spell.

Loving the sandwich love ♥ The onions make ALL the difference.

Can't resist book sales. Am now the proud second-hand owner of Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot novels. No more book-buying, babe.

Light-headed.

Tomorrow promises to be an awesome day. A long, late but awesome one ;)