"a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak"

I was initially going to post a little on silence, but the whole verse began making sense upon further contemplation. A cumulation of recent events have led me to realise that I quite enjoy fighting my own battles, big or small, because it forces me to take responsibility for my actions. The thought process is similar to playing chess - the possible moves, the best replies by the opponent, the counterattack etc - and I do not deny that I'm enjoying this familiarity. Fighting with weapons that mend or strengthen a bridge is something I should get accustomed to. Make it a habit.

On a related note, careless words are a dime a dozen and I consciously try not to partake in such frivolity. Matthew 12:36-37 comes to mind although a verse I particularly like as a reminder is Proverbs 16:24. While I like to think that I'm living my life as Christian-like as I can (with occasional lapses), my night-time ceiling-staring-thought-bouncing has led to a different conclusion. Most times, when circumstances provoke a response, my silence is not me practicing self-control. It's me deciding that the action, whatever it may be, is not worth warranting a reaction because I simply cannot be bothered. So I walk away. It might've reached a point where actual, non-silent, actionable responses are, y'know, socially required from me (can't confirm the certainty of the statement; further observations may yield a more conclusive answer) yet I still brush those concerns off with a mental shrug.

Can't decide which is more troubling - my delusions as a Christian or the fact that I've reached the Nirvana of Care-lessness.