Spaced Out

Just yesterday evening, I was sauntering along the road enjoying the slight, calming breeze when a thought came unbidden: how'd the wind feel against my face if I were to hurl myself off a building. Shocking huh. My subconscious is really all angsty and emo.

The most depressing realisation of the year (so far): I CARE. I care about my marks, my grades, my results. And it's the most depressing, annoying feeling in this entire universe. It is affecting me- the way I do thing, see things, react to things. Doing most things on auto-pilot; not completely but as good as. I AM NOT FUNCTIONING NORMALLY. Not that I ever was before, but I'm not my normal abnormal self. Half the time my mind's pondering over my grades and I'm hating myself for it. And I realised that this time round, I can't just do minimal and expect a miracle to happen.

Being depressed is emotionally/ mentally unhealthy as it is physically healthy. Makes me wanna run and attempt to sweat out the negative stuff. But then, you get random emo thoughts sprouting everywhere in your mind like the neurons having some emo-sharing field day or something.