Pre-Written Post-Published I

How is it humanely possible for a person to generate noise without WITHOUT opening her mouth?! I.simply.cannot.tahan/fathom/understand.it. Staying at home, i.e. in close proximity to The Noise-making Terror has drastically increased my Snarkiness Level & decreased my lifespan. It's like some obscure superhuman ability to produce sound waves with high audio frequency that body-slams into you & starts jabbing you with a stick while giggling incessantly (like he.hehe.he.hehe.he). Everything aside, she is the epitome of Annoying and practically three steps away from being the Ultimate SuperVillain of All Time: maniacal laughter, obsession with world domination & mini-me. (OMGGG THANK GOODNESS THERE WILL NEVER BE A MINI ME HER IN THE NEAR FUTURE. I.WILL.DIE.DIEEE.) I swear if she were to yell-whine my name one more time I will witch-shriek into her ear before spontaneously vapourizing & leaving a trail of bubbles in my wake.

OMG how is it possible?! HOW IS SHE POSSIBLE?!?!? 0.0 Breathe, Christine. Breeeeaaathe.

I am bringing masking tape with me when we go to Shanghai.