Chaos Is.

Today, a 7 year old girl asked me, with the solemnity of priest & the curiosity of... a 3 year old who's never seen a grasshopper before, "Are you Malay?" And I all but gaped at her with incredulity because it was the first time in my entire life that I've been asked that question. Usually it's my sister that gets it a lot since she's dark with big, non-Oriental looking eyes. I'm her opposite - fair with eyes so small that when I smile you can't see them. After I recovered, I replied, "Nope. Do I look Malay to you?", ending the question with a purposeful upwards lilt in my tone, attempting to convey the (only apparent to me) ridiculousness of that notion. "Yes!" Cue emphatic nodding of her head; the curls of brown in her ponytail bobbing up & down vigorously.


Really meh.

*****

My life doesn't seem as fulfilling as I would like it to be. & while I can probably guess the reason why, I don't know if I can make that continued effort to rectify the problem :(

I want to feel that rush of euphoria & satisfaction. Again. & again & again & again.