Utilitarianism: the idea that the moral worth of an action is determined solely by its utility in providing happiness or pleasure as summed among all sentient beings. It is also often described by the phrase "the greatest good for the greatest number of people." [source]

A subconscious part of me subscribes strongly to this & doing so creates some kind of internal chaos because if given a selfish choice, I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't be bothered. Wouldn't even spare it a second thought simply because I don't HAVE to. I am, by no means, obligated to. But I do. It is precisely that conflict between my rational mind & subconscious that's creating this extremely disconcerting avalanche of ambivalence. Doing so goes against my dark, selfish side that harbours my evil twin. Not doing deeply offends... IDK, maybe the Mother Teresa Wannabe that resides in one of the atriums or ventricles of my heart. It hardly helps that I'm a firm believer of the "If I can do it, why not?" school of thought (if there exists such a SOT), regardless of the circumstances.

So sometimes, I do little things for people I don't know very well or have no great love for (I'll even go to the extent to say that I'm biased against them) because, & simply because, I can. Because I'll think it a waste if I don't do it, especially when it takes only a minuscule amount of effort. (Pragmatic Singaporean, right. Maybe it's the education system that screwed my head up.)

At that time, it seems my subconscious overrides my conscious by a little bit, so I don't actually ask myself why I just did what I did. Then a little later, I realised what I did & start asking WHY, thus beginning 45 minutes (& counting) of Major Mindf*ckg.

Ahh. *Cradles head in hands*