And in the event you regret

It's a triple*blow to the head, heart and stomach.

This is the one single, specific moment, in my entire 17 years and a few months, that I really, truly hate myself for passing up yet another brilliant opportunity, this time, out of sheer stupidity and carelessness. No excuse there, certainly; I absolutely cannot believe myself though. I am so despising myself and loathing my existence this very instant.

The shock's still in the system; the only thing that's been running through my mind while I was doing my work was WHY AM I SO BLOODY STUPID I CAN'T BELIEVE MYSELF WHY DID I NOT DOUBLE CHECK. I have this repulsively bitter, foreign feeling in my chest that can't seem to be banished and my face has been set in a scowl ever since this forsaken event occurred. My subconscious has been berating my brain, I can almost hear a voice wearing me out and pouring salt into that gaping wound.

I want to yell my throat raw, hurl myself off a cliff and die already.

God help me.