I remember you by your wristbands from Thailand. A couple of years old and all that was left from your once extensive collection that spanned your forearm. A crisscrossed mixture of blue, orange and possibly green. All these I know because you asked about mine - green hearts on blue that encircled my wrist; a nine year old friendship going on to forever. At that point I wished I had an extra one for you as a souvenir; it felt like an apt thing to do.

I remember you by your gorgeous slightly sad, sometimes uncertain smile, almost like you couldn't decide if you should savour the present or sigh at the inevitable parting of ways. This is great, is gonna end way too soon, don't wanna mess up the remaining time. It might have been a projection of mine but I find that hard to believe when it was written all over you, from the light in your eyes to the complementary magnetism to the inconvenience we worked around.

I remember you by the outstretched palm you offered me on that boozy lazy afternoon. Open, unassuming, hopeful, demanding. Beer in your other hand, on the floor, on the table, in my hand. How your fingers were longer than mine by an entire section and your palm still visible after mine covered yours.

I remember you by the tremulous voice cracked with slight disbelief and realization when you said, word for word, the exact sentence I was thinking at that moment. Then it was my turn to be in complete disbelief at that freaky telepathy.

But most of all I remember you by the collective memory of the little things that enhanced the idea of you, not you. Crinkled eye corners, giggly laughs, nerdy preferences, laugh lines, chivalry, incredible perceptiveness, and passion so deep it left a crater-sized impression.

Dear R

Don't miss me too much,

we both said
coincidentally.

But it's tough not to do

what we're told

not to do.

Then again,
we brought it
upon ourselves.

Thing in life

Words, oh words.

What you do to me when you paint nostalgic pictures of summer afternoons in my head.

Today, words broke me.

Words broke me today.

Worry Not

I dearly wish I could give you the tightest hug and tell you "Don't worry about me" and have you do just that. I know it's not about not having faith in me; it's a worry that stems from concern and I appreciate it far more than I let on. I'm aware of the dangers but I'm also know that most times, we imagine the worst scenarios that may befall people we love and freak out for them. Please don't pin me back with guilt over making you worry. While your heart may hold motherly worry, have faith in the goodness of people - strangers. Give faith. And give me this space to grow up a little more; I need this. ♥

London Calling

I asked myself, several years ago, if we were friends by virtue of the fact that we've known each other for so long and I got my answer this weekend. No; it's a resounding no. And I was plenty naive to have thought so. We're friends because we've grown up together, seen each other at our worsts, most unglamourous moments and talked about things we'd never talk about with any other soul. Four years of no contact didn't change a thing but I didn't think I'd enjoy the company so much. When I said I missed you and will miss you, I meant it. I miss you already. And with the exception of my mom, you still give the best hugs.

The weekend in London was an absolute dream but like most dreams, they are over too quickly. Nevertheless, it didn't diminish the immense sense of peace and fulfillment this weekend getaway brought to my soul. Thank you God.

Dear Beijing

You spoiled me. I came home and found that I didn't miss it very much.

You surprised me when they said yoghurt was popular there. I always thought yoghurt was a Western thing. A month and a half after trying the first pack, I still cannot get enough of it. Yoghurt with honeyed granola, with almond flakes, with strawberry, with red dates or with nothing at all. What is it that makes it so awesome??

And if that wasn't enough, you blew me away with the cafes that were everywhere and nowhere. Always concentrated in an area and I was always forced to decide which one to camp at. Each cafe I went to was like finding a gem; some more precious than others but I could always count on that-familiar-something. I'll miss Bridge the most, with its lovely staff, homey interior and awesome breakfasts. Can't forget the great company that went along with it too.

You spoiled me with the food that came so much cheaper than what I'm used to, even at pricey-ish restaurants. And they were good too. In a month, I've had a more international fare there than I've had in the first half of the year. Vietnamese, Korean, Thai, Mexican, Xi An, Western, Taiwanese, Hang Zhou cuisine and more. There's always something new to try at such affordable prices that it's unthinkable to resist.

And you spoiled me with the constant presence of wi-fi almost everywhere I turned. Cafes, restaurants and bookstores (the three places I frequented most). It's something I took for granted there and I developed a habit of whipping out my phone to check for wi-fi the moment I entered a shop, to the amusement of my roommate. Now that I'm back, I've got to get used to the general lack of wifi again.

The last week was a thoroughly restful vacation and it was more than I could ask for. The four pillows on a king-sized bed with a luxurious blanket, breakfast spreads, people who smile when they hold doors open for you, home-cooked meals, hot Milo, a string of cafes right next to the apartment, good bread and wine. I lived with the greatest satisfaction those few days (:

Returning home felt like yesterday proceeding to today. There was nothing overly surreal or dreamy about summer in Beijing; it was every bit as gritty as it was fun and I quite like it that way.

I'll be back, but don't wait up.

Mind if I sit here?

Wednesday night, I saw you sitting on a bench. Dark jeans, elbows on knees, nursing a beer and harbouring a sigh. No words were exchanged, just a silent and half anticipating steady gaze broken by a faint curl of the lips. I should have spoken to you. You looked interesting. I just wasn't sure if you spoke English.

Being away from home makes me think of people I don't think of very often. I wonder about how they've been since I last saw them, what they've been up to and I miss them even though I don't quite understand why. It also brings to mind the people I imagine I would have fun travelling with, only because of our complementary quirks.

Dear Starbucks-camping, butt-staring friend, 

I miss you though I really shouldn't. 

I hear you're huggable now.

Dear GBFF,

I miss you and I shouldn't, 

for I should be meeting you often enough not to.

Dear Only-friend-who-can-get-away-with-saying-the-most-outrageous-things-to-me,

I miss you and more often than not, I question myself whenever I do.

& no, it's not because of those dimples.

WAKE UP

Dear Self,

the sun peeked out from the horizons several eons ago. Time to step up and start doing some work. The rest of the World In Your Head can function without you for extended periods of time. Reality's actually brighter than you think it is.

Sincerely,
Self

Dear Cramps

Stop being such a pain. (Ha ha)
I promise to start exercising more.

Yours sincerely
le Grouch

Dear Headache

Yes, OKAY, you win the award for holding the longest drum concert in my head. Whoopeedoo.
Now go away dammit.

Sincerely
My Finals Are In Two Weeks & I Need To Start Studying.

Dear D.

Your amazing lack of empathy is one of the rare things in my life that completely stuns me into speechless disbelief.

Much ♥
C.

See Those Crescents Under My Eyes?

Hello Snowballing Sleep Debt,

You're such a royal pain. Imma suckerpunch your face one of these days. When I find the time. After The Project, after OWeek, after I watch Inception... maybe on NATIONAL DAY. I'll be sleeping the entire day & kicking some serious Sleep Debt Butt in my dreams. You be ready, aye?

No Love
C.

Au Revoir

Dear Mr K!,

How's life in your land of epic whazzats?
We're too busy [read: our schedules are never gonna meet]
& your girlfriend's scary, or at least, the image I have of her is.
Looks like our BBQ Stingray & Island Creamery outing's never gonna happen.

Good bye greatest-SMS-buddy-turned-awesome-friend.
I'll miss you.

C.

Dear D

Silence is the only thing I wish for you to appreciate and adhere to right now.

You cast words around, like how the baton of a music conductor commands the piece. With each flick of the baton, you unknowingly conduct your symphony of ire, rage, bitterness and repressed violence. One swish, the orchestra begins with a low, impatient hum. In the next moment, the ire rises. Then you flick your wrist, inviting a chorus of strained vocals. And with your arms sweeping into a great arc and the baton tracing calligraphic spite, you rouse the symphony to dizzying heights! - the clash of frequencies, the chaos from the heated words, the pandemonium of rattled furniture. Yet you continue on, deep in the throes of your bubbling annoyance and myopic thoughts, oblivious to the turmoil you're stirring in the members of your orchestra...and in your audience. Me.

So stop it. Shut the hell up. Stop the unnecessary comments and snide remarks. Quit being the hot-headed ogre because you're capable of so much better. Because I still want to keep you on that pedestal right alongside the only other person I'd do anything for. Because I want to have good memories of you, not ones where all I can remember is a grouch shouting, annoying and grating on my nerves. Stop it, & stop being the stranger.

Much love,

C.

HEY BEST FRIEND

Happy 19th birthday :D I hope life's been treating you well. Yea, old photos are more fun to use. (The picture of the og actually remained on that board all the way till term 3.)

You're an absolutely awesome person and it's been beyond wonderful knowing you! Thank you for organising stuff, always asking how're you and doing little things that most people might overlook/ take for granted. You're both an inspiration and a source of encouragement and I really, really thank God for you.

I haven't spoken to you since... last month? Let's go lunch-ing sometime soon (:

Lubdub

christine!

Parting is such sweet sorrow

Dear Braces,

I am no longer a Metal Mouth and although I should be feeling positively gleeful that I can finally eat pork ribs like an utter barbarian- ripping the meat off the bones- instead of painstakingly cutting it with a fork and knife, whooping in joy every few minutes and flashing my new and improved blindingly awesome smile to friends and strangers alike, I actually feel somewhat nostalgic. And naked.

I already miss you, Braces! I'm so emotionally attached to you it pained me slightly when removing you this morning. Ugh, maybe removing them today wasn't such a good idea. Don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't the least emotionally or mentally prepared. My mouth feels bloody naked. After more than a year of having metal bits grazing my mouth, wires poking my gums, rubberbands reducing my food intake (and ability to speak) and metal- smiles, the sudden removal of everything is extremely disconcerting.

My lips can feel my gums again. It is a disgustingly naked feeling. Gums feel gross. I feel like an old person.

It's a sensation so unknown; I'm in a state so detached that I dare not take any food. Yea, I'm not eating until I absolutely have to. Food seems iffy at the moment. I'm even hesitant to talk. Everything is suddenly so strange; I'm not really enjoying it.

After seeing the orthodontist, I immediately headed to the restroom to flush out bits of iffy dental stuff that were still lurking in my mouth and promptly tried speaking. And you know what Braces? Water felt so, so so foreign. Anyway, there I was staring strangely at the reflection in the mirror slowly going through the alphabet song. My "S" has turned airy and I've to purposely properly pronounce it :/ It was a good thing I was alone...

My teeth feel weird and miss you Braces! I want you back too!

To y'all 413

Dearest 413 '07,

The gathering last Sunday was Awesome! with all the pizza, chicken wings, cake, cream war and all that. I hope we'll continue meeting up regularly in true 413 fashion. Thank you Timeless '08 committee for organising it and for all the effort put into our plate-plaques. Thank you all so much for just turning up and being there. Didn't talk to everyone that day but we'll see each other again real soon!

You guys mean so much to me I'm not even kidding when I say I'll drop everything just to meet you guys. Even if I'm dead tired, flattened under Mount Assignment&Tutorials, caught up with some random issue, I'll definitely make time for you people. You all're the Ultimate and I'm filled with warm fuzzy feelings whenever I think of 413! I'm still missing the class and wishing we were back at the science block classrooms with the rest of the OLTs and having fun all the time. It's times like these that I'm truly grateful for such a bonded class. And really, I'm pretty thankful for a certain good friend. She was seriously the one thing that bonded the class most.

I may not be very close to most of you outside of Mocha butbutbut I've got an emotional attachment to each and every one of you! So don't ever ditch the class! I really miss the People On the Left Row. It's a comfort zone thing. I miss seeing the 2 SAMs in front of me and when you call one both will turn back. I miss the Bimbo who sat beside me since forever and kept me constantly entertained. I miss the Twins who always come up with the most random ideas, they're best one being Konfrontasi ;) I miss crossing the overhead bridge with the Hopeless Romantic who loves all things Korean, never files her stuff and always has a standard whine when climbing the steps of the bridge. I miss the Wushu-pro and her random bouts of blurness and motherhen ways. I miss the Cold Joker and Stoner right at the front. I miss phee, my fellow bun. I miss taking 66 with zoEmoEfoE. I miss the Facility manager and her fantastic cheesecakes. I miss the new year party, the outings and if I were to list every single thing I miss, I'll probably need at least an hour and a half.

Loveyouloveyouloveyouall,
christine!